1314 NW Irving #512
Portland, OR 97209
503 241-1751
Email Us

“I feel like I am on the dark side of the moon—cold, stark and utterly alone.”

…

I made this statement many years ago to describe an intense feeling of desolation.  I had friends, coworkers and dear loved ones all around me.  Work and activities filled my days.  Outwardly, I appeared engaged, yet within I felt desperately isolated.

One can feel lonely in many ways—lack of companionship, longing for familiarity, spiritual stagnation, loss of identity—but, at its core, loneliness means separation from elements essential to one’s life.   The intensity of the experience depends upon the degree of separation.  A complete disconnection feels as though the essential element simply does not exist.

Sometimes, separation proceeds slowly, starting as a connection set aside but still within sight, then, drifting out of sight but still within memory, and finally, one forgets the connection ever existed.  Other times, separation comes swiftly and dramatically by way of an event, a decision or an undeniable recognition.

Whatever its nature or process, the nagging need for connection persists.  In our time, many cover this pain of loss with false life objectives, desires lacking substance or a clutter of activities and electronic devices.  Others simply expect too much from the good parts of their lives, attempting to wring more from a relationship or a career unable to deliver all of what one seeks.

Early in mid-life, I entered a hopeless period where essential cornerstones of my life disappeared.  I felt abandoned, directionless and extraordinarily alone.  To resolve my crisis, I felt the need to find the one true friend who could deeply understand me and direct me away from my turmoil.   I could not find that person.   I was looking in the wrong direction.

Peering into the abyss of my loneliness, I finally accepted no friend could grasp my condition nor help me out of it.   I had to do it.  The one true friend I sought was myself. 

I closed the gap with my true self through frank internal dialogue about whom I am—pluses and minuses--and making a decision to follow the internal whims, draws and delights I had felt throughout my life but largely ignored.  (For me this meant artwork, writing and creative expressions.)  Some did not appreciate my new direction but I could no longer let that stop me.  My feeling of loneliness was a call from within for me to acknowledge my essential self and to live my natural life in full view. 

The world has expectations for us whether from family, friends, coworkers, associates, clients, beneficiaries or society in general.  To make life and society work we tend to accommodate these expectations.  We do not want to disappoint.   Giving of ourselves is positive … unless, in the course of doing so, we abandon our essential selves.   In doing good works, we must not ignore our essence, hide our true nature nor bury our essential needs. 

Our essence calls us to know ourselves, live our necessary life and find the place to do so in the world.  In this way, we will feel no separation from the essential elements of our lives.